She exuded positivity,” shared Ramón Rivera when describing his grandmother, Mérida Torres. “She was warm and never complained, always saying thank you to everyone,” expressed Nikki Rivera, Ramón’s wife. “To know Mérida was to love her.” Mérida passed away peacefully at home at the age of 107. “Abuela Meri” was adored by her family and friends and always shared a welcoming “Hola” with everyone she encountered.

Giving Back

“When I was young, my abuela came to live with my parents to help take care of me,” commented Ramón. Abuela is the Spanish word for grandmother. Mérida’s husband, Ramón’s grandfather, passed away in 1984. After his passing, Mérida spent time living with each of her three daughters, eventually moving in permanently with Ramón and his parents from 1984 until 2014. Ramón’s mother was Merida’s primary caregiver, but she became ill and passed away in 2014. “When my mother died, my father considered putting my abuela into a nursing home,” explained Ramón. “But Nikki, my kids and I made a family decision to have her move in with us.” “It was a crazy time in our lives when Ramón’s abuela moved in with us,” laughed Nikki. We had five kids spanning from 10th grade to 2nd grade.”

The family wanted to take care of Mérida while they could. They didn’t know what needs she may eventually have that they would be unable to help with, so they navigated options through the Office of the Aging and learned a lot along the way. “My abuela took care of me growing up so to be able to return the favor was special,” smiled Ramón.

Calling Hospice

Mérida was 98 years old when she came to live with Ramón, Nikki and their family, and she was able to walk with the assistance of a walker. The couple, both teachers, along with their school-aged children, were able to leave Mérida by herself during the workday. The only thing she requested was that they prepare her meals.

As Mérida’s health began to decline, her needs increased. “We had to figure out how to coordinate caregivers, and I had to do things for my abuela that I never thought I would end up doing, from staying with her while she was being given a catheter to holding her hand during a CAT scan,” shared Ramón. “She was not a good patient,” he laughed. “Anytime she had to go to the doctor or the emergency room, she never wanted to be alone.” “That was the trying part,” explained Nikki. “We weren’t familiar with services related to the aging process. With the help of my father-in-law, we figured out how to access the Office of the Aging and how to access services through her insurance. As Abuela progressed in becoming more dependent, we were watching our kids grow out of those phases and watching her grow into those phases. As she was going through those stages, it became frustrating at times to figure out what she needed and what resources we needed to leverage.”

“Abuela was always very proud,” expressed Ramón. “She didn’t want our help.”

The family called Hospice & Community Care in May 2023 after noticing some wounds on Mérida’s skin that were not healing properly. They also were starting to see a rapid decline in her health. “We wanted to keep her comfy and surrounded by family at home for as long as possible.”

“On Mother’s Day, a Hospice & Community Care nurse came to our house,” explained Nikki. “We were having a family get-together, and everyone was sitting on the back patio along with Abuela. I told the nurse that I could take Abuela to her bedroom for the assessment, assuming that was what the nurse would want. To my pleasant surprise, the nurse offered to complete Abuela’s assessment on the patio. She talked with the entire family audience, explaining what to expect, and brought Abuela a handmade knitted blanket. It was a beautiful experience that really helped all of us prepare for what would be her last few weeks.”

“Hospice care in the home was new to us,” explained Ramón. “We were blown away by the speed of response and the compassionate people that came to our home.”

Nurses came daily to check on Mérida’s wounds. “Many of the Hospice caregivers who visited Abuela spoke Spanish,” shared Ramón. “My abuela spoke some English, but she preferred Spanish. This put her and us at ease.”

Like any caregiver, Ramón shared that he had 1,001 questions about how to best care for his abuela. “The Hospice team answered my questions 24/7 and always reassured me that I was properly caring for her. That level of care did not stop after she passed away.

“The Hospice team helped us make arrangements with the funeral home and they allowed us to keep our abuela at home for hours after she passed away, until one of our daughters arrived from New York City that evening,” shared Nikki. “Our daughters painted her fingernails after she had passed away and put a little bow in her hair. Neighbors and family came to be with her and with us. We told stories and it was just amazing. Hospice made that happen.”

Having an Impact

“My abuela didn’t have much of a childhood, so it was neat for us to see her playing with our children,” shared Ramón. “She would have tea parties with our kids and let them paint her nails, style her hair, even into a ponytail, and apply makeup to her face.”

At the time, the couple didn’t know how their kids would react to having an older person in the house. She became an integral part of the family.

“She had a photographic memory of poems and songs she learned in her youth,” said Ramón. “She would sing them to our kids, and she would sing them to Nikki and me. As she aged and became a little more forgetful, she always remembered songs and poems.” “They were some of her greatest hits,” laughed Nikki. There was a particular poem the family read at their abuela’s funeral service about Sundays. Every Sunday she would recite the poem to the family. “It’s something we miss the most,” expressed Ramón.

“She was iconic, and all our close friends knew her,” laughed Nikki. “She had a Facebook following. I would post her singing songs and just saying good morning. We’d often send video messages to her family in Puerto Rico for birthdays and to catch up.”

“My favorite part with our kids and Abuela was always tucking her into bed at night,” shared Nikki. “We would tuck her in, sing a few of her songs and give her kisses. The empathy our children have…they couldn’t have gotten that education anywhere else. She was phenomenal, and she was so good for our kids.”

“The career choices our kids made are in large part because of Abuela,” shared Ramón. “Our youngest is still in high school, but our four older children are all in healthcare.

“Our kids helped us with Abuela’s personal care needs while they were growing up. As adults, they are so caring and always willing to help somebody else, which is another gift that she gave us, and we were able to give to our kids.”